Last night Daniel gave me his iPod to listen to after we talked for a while. I hope he is happy. He’s one of the good guys so its sad to see him upset, but I’m glad he comes to me to talk to. It’s a great feeling to be able to be there for someone else. Its like the movie we watched together, just knowing you have someone to support you and listen when the news is good or bad brings you to the surface when you feel you are drowning in thoughts and emotions.
My dreams have been bringing me to such strange worlds. I could’ve sworn I was back at the house I grew up in, but it was thousands of years ago and jungle like. I’m sure its just because back ‘home’ never really feels like home anymore. I know when I’m away that the house and objects I left behind are called home, but it doesn’t feel like my heart belongs anywhere anymore. It feels torn between worlds and searching for a something. I suppose home is my room, my bubble. I feel like I’ll be on this journey for a while, but it’ll be more special when I find home, when I can grow new roots.
Tomorrow is my last full day here. It doesn’t feel like I’m leaving, but then apart of me may always stay in Germany...a living memory of my time and experiences while here...of the new and usual adventures and of what they’re meant to me. There will always be apart of my heart here, where my family came from, where my blood runs like wild horses through the plains. Maybe I can bring my father here someday and experience even more of this country. Although, with his bad knee and always working I don’t know if that will be possible, but I have my videos to document as much as I can remember to.
As much as I love the video and pictures I’ve taken and will probably still take sometimes I wish they would take themselves so I could experience behind my own eyes and not behind the camera lens. I feel like walking to the castle and sitting on the stone or grass and just listening to the wind whisper and play with my hair gently brushing it across my face, kissing my cheek. I’d like to catch the sunset and burn its image into my memory. I’m not looking forward to the flight, but perhaps I’ll sleep and wake up to a new world.
Since Daniel and Mr. Wulff went to the school Mrs. Wulff and I spent the afternoon together. I slept till I couldn’t sleep anymore and then we sat together eating fruit in the kitchen talking. She had spent the morning cleaning and organizing. We each took a shower before leaving for IKEA. We walked around IKEA for a while, and I felt like a kid in a candy shop, so much I’d buy, so many possibilities to decorate a room and house there. I could spend a paycheck in IKEA, maybe more depending on the space I had available.
Daniel kept in touch with his mom throughout the day as we shopped for him. After everything was payed for we bought hot dogs, which here people decorate like hamburgers in the US. Meat, bun, ketchup, mustard, mayo, pickles, and fried onions. I only ate with mustard as usual, but it was fun to see Mrs. Wulff enjoy it as intended.
I wonder how often I’ll be yelled at at home for wanting to eat larger in the morning and little at night. I’d like to get off the plane and in bed without a fight. I’ll call a head hunter for work on Monday and let families know I’m back to watch their kids, but I’m taking Squishy to the park and laying in the grass or by the shore. I’m sure I’ll sit there thinking of Daniel and Germany, missing the company and accents. It’ll give me something to smile about and ideas for my next journey, the to be continued next adventure plans.
I have a similar view here as in the NY from my room window. Trees and houses closest by, but here the balcony lets me float above, like I’m sitting in a cloud traveling the skies and have only to turn around to rest my head in bed. The plan is to make chicken and cake tonight for when Daniel and Mr. Wulff return. I wonder how their day has been. If Daniel saw friends and enjoyed himself or they spent most of their time cleaning his flat. Daniel had a few picture frames to hang up. I wonder what photos he’ll choose for the frames. Maybe one will be his modeling pose on top of the mountain with my jumper on his shoulder. It’s a conversation started at least. “Hey wow at the top of a mountain you can look like a model.” like my ocean picture I have of myself all in blue with golden curled ringlets of hair flowering in the wind as I gaze out to the ocean as it tosses and turns.
I had a nice day with Mrs. Wulff, but I was happy to hear when Daniel came back. I’ve gotten so used to seeing and talking to him that it will feel the most strange not having him around when I’m back in NY.
After dinner some friends of Daniel’s came over to go to the disco with us. I’m pretty sure I over dressed by the look of most everyone else in the place, but I think that’s just NYC kicking in. It was a large place but it felt like I was in NYC and Daniel was there with me, rather than me there with him. I know I know nothing about dancing, but I still danced or whatever it’s called that I did and going was worth it to say I’ve been and to spend the evening with Daniel and friends because he was sharing another part of himself and his life with me (and its been nice getting to know him) His friends were nice and we danced together. The ear plugs Daniel lent me were amazing. We got in a little passed 3 and tomorrow if I can I’ll help with Daniel’s report. He said and I agree its sad I’m leaving, but I hope he knows I’m always going to be around.
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