I woke up at 6, 8:40, 10, and 11...no one said come down and I heard nothing, but I missed the celebration :( I wanted to see the look on Daniels face when it was his birthday and he got the watch he wanted. He sat while I ate anyway and then we went on Facebook leaving captions under the photos and posting. That was fun, we laughed and the captions were usually hilarious. I’ll look forward to posting more photos when I’m home.
Now we’re going to the mall to hang out and his friends will come later. I don’t know what we’ll do tonight, but its his birthday so he should do whatever makes him happy.
The mall was fun with Daniel, he looks good in everything so its hard to give a good opinion of what looks better. Its more a question of what he likes more. Its funny how even something as simple as shopping can be so complicated. Even if everything looks good you have to wonder how it feels, what it costs, what you can wear it with, and how long you’ll be able to use it.
Life has always something to learn from everyday, and everyday like a flowering plant we grow (hopefully wiser) I usually enjoy learning, even if the lesson is hard because anything easy is easily forgettable, anything hard or laborious you remember because its something you went through, you came out of , you survived.
Everyday is survival of the fittest, from the cities to the tribal jungles, physically, emotionally, and mentally challenging just to keep who you are, your soul, alive. Something your breath can feel heavy with burden, regret or fear. Life itself is truly the greatest adventure of all. Wherever we are, walking the Earth or souring the heavens and beyond, I will try to learn from my mistakes, grow from my experiences, and never stop questioning.
“All the Worlds A Stage, and [We] Merely the Players”-Shakespeare
I hope Daniel had a nice birthday, at least better than last year. I remember my 24th as being sad, 23 I don’t even remember, and 25, well it was just the day I turned 25. I feel like these designated ‘special’ days like birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries have meant less over the years. Like I’m waiting for a new cycle to begin. When I was young a birthday or holiday was celebrated as if we had wont the lottery. Everyone joined together, friends and family, laughing, eating, playing...making unforgettable memories. Then years go by and less family can make it to the party, friends call and maybe send a card. I used to pine for the 4th of July. Eager to get in the car for my cousins pool party, BBQ, Manhunt, the beautiful stench of bug spray and firework smoke with my mom yelling, “watch out!” after every lit match. Now almost no one shows, or hardly stays to visit. Birthdays I feel like just another day, but someday I will make my own parties and traditions and that will be special.
For Daniel I bought a jacket he seems to enjoy. I hope he does, the best gift or thank you is to see when something you’ve said or done make someone happy and smile. Its free and its priceless. I’ve missed smiling, I have genuinely smiled and laughed with Daniel, with his family, and for general reasons, even a song since being here...but its different somehow. Maybe I’m just rusty, even when I called my mom and I was laughing she thought I was crying and asked me what was wrong. I do get sad here too, but not because of being here, but because of my thoughts and memories. For when something reminds me of my past or some hard memory I had thought I had hidden away. So I dream, at night or during the day. I space out and wonder through the maze of my mind. Sometimes I exhaust myself with my thoughts and feelings and I want to shut them off, but then I wouldn’t be me. I shall always be a work in progress.
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